When It Gets Tough

-by Cody

You’ve probably read some from each of us about how great, exciting, and fun our trip has been, but I also want you to know about the hard times; the times when I wanted to quit; the times when I have just sat down and cried. Yes those moments have happened - especially for me.

When we first started the trip, I had never actually realized how long 6 months of hiking the Divide was going to be. I knew that we were going to be making an effort to walk 3,000 miles of rough mountain terrain, but for some reason the 3,000 part never really sank in - or at least I hadn’t let it. The first couple of weeks went well. We spent them getting used to our conditions and schedules and being together 24 hours a day and such. After the first month or so I started to realizethat we really were doing this. It truly was going to take 6 months of hiking 15-20 miles a day to make it. And it was going to be hard.

For me most things in life have come fairly easily up till this point. We’ve done some pretty adventurous family trips but they’ve been within what I can do. Sports stretch me but haven’t ever been killer hard. School is challenging but not to the point of wanting to tear my hair out. Making friends comes pretty naturally. So for me, I’ve never done anything I would consider really hard, like way beyond my comfort bubble, something that I didn’t know if I could successfully complete - until this trip. Yes, I know how to hike. But I didn’t know how to tackle something this big with the outcome so unknown.

When I let myself finally realize it was going to be that kind of challenging, it scared me. When it hit me sitting by Morrison Lake in south Montana I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I cried so much I thought I would dry up. I got quiet. I even lost my appetite one day – and for those of you who know how much I eat that’s saying something! All because it was something beyond what I knew how to do. The feeling of panic came so suddenly and forcefully, it made me want to quit. To just go home and live the easy life, and know that I could do everything required to get through a day. I just wanted to go to school, do my homework, and play soccer. That sounded nice and familiar and welcoming, unlike my current situation which included big daily hiking mileage, bad weather, no water at times and lumpy sleep. None of those sounded appealing. The thing that was oh so hard to see was how much I could get from the trip. Yes, others kept telling me, but I had yet to see it for myself.

So after I confessed my fear to the family at a tearful dinner meeting I came up with some ways to solve my big dilemma (stay or go home).

First I called my grandmother on the satellite phone, who supported me prayerfully. She gave me some ideas to contemplate and also told me to think about why I was on this trip. I’d been wanting to learn more about how to put into practice what I have been taught about my religion being helpful in tough times and this was my chance.

Second, I wrote in my journal a lot about what my grandmother had said. I asked myself some tough questions and really tried to come up with some answers I could live with.

Then my dad and I talked a lot about how quitting wouldn’t help me learn anything, but that if I stayed I would learn so much more than just returning to all the things I was comfortable with – like sitting at a desk in school. He tried to show me how by learning to do something hard I would be much more prepared for difficult things that life brought in the future which don’t always come by choice.

He also helped me understand how important a part of the trip I am and how much it would affect the success and completion of the trip for the group if I went home. When I thought about it I realized that some of the things I contribute to make this family and trip work are these: My joy; I’m usually bubbly and very happy. My group work - I make lunch everyday, I put up and take down the tent, I navigate well and lead on some days, I pitch in wherever needed and am always looking for ways to help. I began to understand myself as a key member of this family and that if I left I would be taking that sense of completeness away from the family and I didn’t want to do that.

It began to settle in that I would be accomplishing something no one else my age has done; that I could learn things far beyond the reach of the school classroom, that I was needed on the trip, and most importantly I would learn for myself what it takes in thought to do something beyond what I already knew I could do.

That was 2 months ago. Now I sit in our re-supply trailer in Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado, with almost 2000 hiking miles under my belt. I am so enjoying this adventure and am so grateful that I didn’t go home. I have seen so many new and amazing things and learned so much. I can visualize making it to Mexico!

I’m sure there will be some tough miles ahead, some cold snowy days, and plenty of other challenges known and unknown, but I want you to know that I really am loving this grand adventure.